What Some Women Think . . .

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. Rita Rudner

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.Roseanne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. Rita Rudner

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horse back riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters. Susie Loucks

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" Judy Tenuta

He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant. Carol Leifer

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. Roseanne

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair undermy arms instead. Sue Kolinsky

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. Dolly Parton

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT? Wendy Liebman

I think-therefore I'm single. Lizz Winstead

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." Elayne Boosler