O-B-S-T-R-O-N-O-V-I-C-H

In traveling, I learned early on that it is hard to make reservations or order pizzas if your name is Bill Brown(Not my real name, but close). Most of the people on the phone don’t react to the name, but as soon as you hang up they laugh and tear up the order or reservation thinking it was a joke and no one would show up. After being turned down a few times when I showed up for my room or pizza, I made up a name for such things, “OBSTRONOVICH.”

If I order a pizza or make a reservation for a table or room, I tell them Obstronovich. They take it without question and almost always ask for a spelling. I learned to spell it out just like I would Brown, O-B-S-T-R-O-N-O-V-I-C-H. Without fail the person on the other end of the phone will ask for a first name, “ARNOLD” is the answer. So, when necessary, I become Arnold Obstronovich.

My parents, in 1985, were coming to Dallas for a few days visit from their home in Northern Arkansas. I thought I would show them around town during the weekend, so I made reservations at a couple of nice restaurants. All in the name of Arnold Obstronovich.

I explained my method of using a fake name to my parents and the reason why and the first night came and went without incident. On the next night, we went to a local small bistro near the house and when we went in I was greeted by a young lady about eightteen years of age who asked for my name.

“Arnold Obstronovich,” was my reply.

“Oh yes, a seven thirty reservation, you are a bit early so you will have about a twenty minute wait. If you would like to wait in the bar area, I will call you,” she said.

I told her that the bar area would be fine. But, before I could head toward the bar, she grabbed my arm and said, “Wait, how do you pronounce your name?”

Very carefully I pronounced my “FAKE” name. “Ob-stron-o-vich,” I said.

“OK,” she said, “now let me try. Looking down at the spelling she
said, “Abtransavich.”

“No, No,” I said, “Obstronovich.”

Once again she started, “Abstranasuch.” She shuck her head knowing that was a mistake. “Abtransovich, no Abtrasovok, no Abtrashovik,” she kept trying with no success. Finally after trying for several minutes with my assistance she said, “Look, do you mind if I just call you, Brown?”