Thoughts on Black and White . . . & Color

Once a long time ago, all things were in black and white and various shades of gray or off white, depending whither you were closer to black or white. We lived in a black, white and gray/off white World. Most were happy because they hadn’t thought of the world as being anything else or anything better.

Some people thought that we could do better and realized that there was more to the world than black and white. Others wanted to make the world better by adding color . . . but only for those who could afford it, like themselves. But there were those that wanted a better, more colorful World for everyone because it was a right not a privilege.

There were several bills being written to submit to the House of Representatives and the Senate, but going from black and white to color was a complicated issue. There were both additive and subtractive ranges to contemplate.

The additive ranges were those having to do with light and lighting. The subtractive ranges had to do with paint and ink and printing. Additive primaries were Red, Blue and Green, while the Subtractive primaries were Magenta, Cyan and Yellow.

The conservatives wanted to know how we could make the world colorful for everyone without costing a huge amount of money for the Country. The conservatives wanted to just make it available for those that could afford it. The progressives wanted those that could afford it to pay for everyone. Somewhere in the middle was the answer.

The progressives had the power, but not by much, and a few of the progressives were being financed by the Light Lobby while others were being financed by the Paint Lobby. So, instead of having their constituents at heart, they fought for the point of view of their Patrons. Since there were no real colors yet, these legislators were called the “Gray Pussycats.” The GPs were able to hold up the passage of something that would have been good for almost everyone because the light and paint people wanted to have control and didn’t want to let it go to the people.

Some of the GPs were holding out to make Red, Blue, and Green the primary colors and others were trying to make Magenta, Cyan, and Yellow primary. The two didn’t realize that both the ranges were primary for different purposes, and what is worse they refused to talk to each other and find a common ground.

As time went by and several bills were written up to be presented to various committees, the conservatives decided to halt any advancement of any bill till they had control possibly in a few years. That way they could control how it was done and who would get the advantage of “Color.” Right now all they could do was to put doubt in the minds of the people. They claimed that color would blind the average citizen with its dazzle. They claimed that with color, the elderly would die from a heart attack at the brightness of the hues and that small children would lose several points on their IQ test because they would so be entranced by the various colors that they wouldn’t study their lessons any more.

None of this was true but it put into the argument a pause of plausibility. Some took up this rather unreasonable stance and repeated it enough that it almost became accepted as true.

In the House, there was great debate and they finally came up with a bill that was passed on, to the Senate. There were many flaws in that bill but it had most of what was needed and was accepted as being almost reasonable. Most Representative realized the Senate would take out the part that stated that all additive colors when used together would make everything turn black and that all subtractive colors when put together would make everything turn white, and that is exactly what happened. But . . . more was taken out of the bill.

In the end they decided that everyone had to buy into the color business by supporting color manufacturing in both the additive sector and the subtractive sector. The more money you had the more colors you could see and if you could afford the elective colors you had the advantage of having millions of colors at your disposal.

The Senate finally came up with a bill that was passed out of the Senate and would not cost anything at all to the people . . . but it was very watered down. It came out that the common people that didn’t have much money, didn’t have many colors either. The rich could afford lots of colors but the rich were very few and the average people were hundreds of millions.

The Senate bill was then passed to the House to be reconciled. There came out of that a compromise bill that was much like the one that was passed in the Senate, and it was passed to the President who realized that it wasn’t what he wanted but it was progress. The President then signed it and it became law.

Movies started being shown that were in color. But the common man could only see the primary colors and the few rich could see all the colors. Sunday comics started coming out in color but only the rich could see all the colors.

Sales of color material at first shot up but then started to decline because the common man couldn’t see all the colors. At that point it was determined that it was best for everyone, the lighting industry, the paint industry, the ink industry and all people everywhere, that color be made available to the whole world, without regard to the money involved. Color became a right not a privilege.

New bills were introduced into Congress and the right to color was expanded to be more and more inclusive to more and more people. More colors were invented and immediately released to the public at large.

The lighting and painting sector wasn’t harmed at all. Have you priced good theatrical lamps lately? I just bought some lamps for the local community theatre and had to pay almost $100 for a quality 500-watt lamp. The painting industry doesn’t hurt at all either. Quality exterior paint is over $25 a gallon

That is how color became part of everyday life. All the predictions of great calamity didn’t occur. Our children didn’t become idiots. Our older people aren’t falling dead at the sight of great color and we have progressed.

People have a tendency to be like electricity in that they follow the line of least resistance. Be very careful as to those that want you to follow a line of regression. You can’t reach the future by stepping backward anymore than you can regain you virginity.

'Twas the Night of Thanksgiving . . .

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods he came flying, chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
Because a bimbo’s phone number she found on his blackberry.

He’d been cheating on poor little Elin,
And as each day went by another whore came out a squealin'.
He’d been on Holly, on Jaimee, on Rachel, on Cori,
On Joselyn, and Kalika, TMZ had the story.

From the top of the world to above the fold,
Tiger’s ever more sordid tale, it was told.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
And when he wasn’t hosing them, he sent them hot texts.

He crashed his Caddy, but didn’t call OnStar,
Yet he played “spank me daddy” with a skanky old porn star.
He’s been naughty, so with Santa he hasn’t a chance,
Except the big lump of coal like the lump in his pants.

But despite all his crying and begging and a pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went right out, bought a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim as she packed up the Escalade,
If you’re going to get laid, then I’m going to get paid.

Now she’s not pouting, in fact she’s of good cheer,
Because her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

Is There a Santa Clause?

(This is a reprise from early November that seems more appropriate to be posted now)

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my friend Eddie dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," he jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so.

It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" She snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors,Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car. "Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother,but never had I shopped for anything all by myself.

The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-Dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends , my neighbors, the kids at school, and he people who went
to my church.

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk.

Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going" I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.

Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.

That night , I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95. Seems there were more than Grandma and me helping Santa that night.

May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care....

And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus . . . or Father Winter.

(I don't remember where I got this piece, but it seems worth posting at this time of year)

"The Christians and the Pagans"

By Dar Williams

Amber called her Uncle, said “We’re up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, and we need a place to stay.”
And her Christ-loving Uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three
He told his niece, “It’s Christmas eve, I know our life is not your style.”
She said, “Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and it’s been awhile.”

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their Gods and goddesses.

The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, “Is it true that you’re a witch?”
His mom jumped up and said, “The pies are burning,” and she hit the kitchen
And it was Jane who spoke and said, “It’s true, your cousin’s not a Christian”
“But we love trees we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere”

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
And where does magic come from, I think magic’s in the learning
Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning.

When Amber tried to do the dishes, her Aunt said, “Really, no, don’t bother”
Amber’s Uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and a lot like her Father
He thought about his brother, how they hadn’t spoken in a year
He thought he’d call him up and say, “It’s Xmas and your daughter’s here”
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve
Saying, “Can I be a Pagan?” Dad said, “We’ll discuss it when they leave”

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old,
And making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.

A Solstice Tribute

Oh, stirring star of solstice time.
Your radiant hours are few.
You turn and strike the New Years chime,
We owe our lives to you.

These darkest days of Winter,
We miss your warming rays;
But every year this hemisphere
Returns to brighter days

Since olden days the human race
Has feared your warmth would die?
The evergreen is ever seen
As hope we will survive.

Oh, ancient drums stop beating,
And superstitions fall.
It’s time for reason’s greetings.
For PEACE, goodwill to all.